美国留学申请DIY-11 PS开头和结尾

美国留学申请DIY-11 PS开头和结尾

开头和结尾这两个部分往往是最难写的，申请人一般会在这两个地方琢磨好久力下面我来举几个例子进行评价。这几个例子都是失畋的例子。Example1：Upon graduation in July 1999 from Tsinghua University， the best engineering college in China， with a B.S. degree， I was selected by the university, on the basis 0f my outstanding academic records， to enter graduate studies without having to take the mandatory admission exam.Example2：As a top student of physics from Peking University， I would like to pursue a successful academic career by studying in your distinguished graduate program.Example3：Allow me to introduce myself， I am…第一个开头，我无话可说，看了就头昏，这种是典型的新东方式PS，毫无用处，大家谁不是放弃了保研来申请出国的？你的第一版PS如果是这样的开头，那还可以原谅，如果修改之后还是这个样子，那真是完全不能容忍了。第二个开头，是一种最普通的开头，虽然不至于想第一个开头那么令人可恶，但是这个开头让人读了之后没有任何感觉，是完完全全的空话。你要申请它的PhD.众人皆知，何必开头多此一举。第三个开头，也是废话。你的简历是干什么用的？举这个例子就是为了说明，介绍自己的开头我们不要采用。下面再来几个我们所鼓励的开头。以下九个开头全部出自匡外学生的个人陈述，之所以这样是为了避免走中国学生的老套路。Example4：Perhaps the most important influence that has shaped the person，I am today is my upbringing in a traditional family-oriented Persian and Zoroastrian culture.Example5：I now prepare to become more than just a professional in the field of history but in fact a professional historian.Example6：I have always been motivated toward achievement: my high school classmates voted me”Most likely to have a publishable resume.”Example7：Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by， and that has made all the difference.-Robert Frost-Have you ever taken the road less traveled? When you drive home from work， do you ever explore? Sure， it might take longer than usual， and there may be unpleasant stops along the way， but occasionally you will find an unexpected surprise. By casting aside strict conventions and routines and by taking risks we can achieve things we never considered or thought possible.Example8During my senior year at Purdue University， I made a decision that impacted the entire course of my education. While my classmates were making definite decisions about their career paths, I chose to implement a five-year plan of development and growth for myself. I designed this plan in order to examine various careers that I thought might interest me， as well as to expand upon my abilities at the time.Example9：I am most interested in a career in psychoneurotic immunology Scientists who work in this area study the biological connection between the mind and immunological factors relating to health and healing. This is my ideal occupation because it includes my two criteria for a career: I would be doing something to benefit society and performing a job that is enjoyable, challenging, and meaningful to me.读完了以上这些PS的开头，是不是有一种与众不同的感觉呢？总结一下，开头的类型有很多，可以表明精彩的观点，可以叙述特别事件，可以引用名人警句，总之要与众不同。招生委员会要看很多PS，如果你的PS不能在一开始就先声夺人吸引人家读下去，那这一整篇就基本没有感染力了力试想想，换成你自己，已经读了一整天的文章了，看到的都是千篇一律的东西，你还有没有心情继续看下去呢？所以说开头很关键。招生委员会的人只会花上一到两分钟阅读你的PS，因此你必须利用开头从一开始就抓住他们的兴趣。在写完主体部分之后，你甚至可能需要考虑重写开头部分。1.在开头部分不要进行概括力问问自己读者为什么在读完开头之后还想继续往下读力如果你对情况作概括的话，教授就不需要阅读余下的部分了。2．在开头部分设置悬念或埋下伏笔。没有必要也不建议你在写第一句话时就表明主题。在读者的心中设下问题，促使他们继续阅读下去，激发他们的兴趣，使他们理解你的主题。美国人的文章向来是开门见山的，不像中国人那样做了很多铺垫才切入正题。虽然说可以不要在开头直接点出主题，但是你的主题一定要在前面三段中得到陈述，否则人家读了半天也不知道你在说什么。我个人所推崇的是开门见山的类型，在文章的开头就表明你的主题，不要做过多的铺陈。下面再来举几个失败的结尾的例子力Example10：I would like to thank the admissions committee for considering my application. lt is my sincere hope that you will grant me the opportunity to attend your fine school.Example11：ln sum， there are three reasons why you should admit me…..Example12：From the college guide and my adviser’s recommendation, I am pleased to learn that your program has a highly qualified faculty and ample resources .lt will be the best place for me to pursue an individualized plan of studies.If possible， my major interest in the future will reside in the following areas: Signal Processing, image Processing, and DSP. The undergraduate education was very general, so if you feel that any other areas are more suitable for me some comments and suggestions will be highly appreciated.第一个结尾，犯了老毛病，废话一句，谁不知道你写PS的目的呢？我们在这里要强调的是，任何情况下都不要让这样的句子在你的PS中出现。第二个结尾，有点意思了，不过语气过于狂妄，而且单纯的总结性语言没有用的，画龙还要点睛呢。第三个结尾，接近我们所要求的结尾了，但是语言过于平淡，泛泛而谈并且就事论事；而且最后一句话明显模仿某些市面上的书中的范文，绝对不可接受。下面我们再来给出一些比较成功的PS结尾力这些也都是国外学生的PS结尾。Example13：I want my legal education to make a bigger difference than I can as an engineer， but with a strong family to draw upon I can not help but live a successful life.Example14：Ultimately， I aim to gain a faculty position at a university and to continue my involvement in innovative research in the field while directly encouraging the development 0f aspiring engineers，both in the classroom and laboratory. In this manner. I believe I can make a significant and purposeful contribution to the scientific community while gaining a great deal of personal satisfaction.Example15：The work I saw at Graduate School Design had that same element of innovation and freshness that I strive for， the one that goes beyond the ordinary path.I want to be an explorer and to face challenges that I can solve with sheer will and creativity.Example16：While my GPA may not be as high as some applicants’， my academic record shows a consistent positive.I know I have the intelligence， ability， and determination to achieve success in dentistry; I only need the opportunity. My dental research experience combined With my academic background， personal qualities, and leadership abilities make me well suited to accept the challenges in the field of dentistry.Example17：Stanford’s diversity offers an environment for learning， both inside and outside the classroom. I hope to share my varied knowledge with my classmates and to take from them a new understanding of topics that are foreign to me. I believe that no other school provides students with the combination of education and environment 0ffered by Stanford. lots outstanding academic reputation mingled with its diverse environment and thriving Bay Area location creates an opportunity for growth that is second to none.I have many ambitions for myself as I embark on this stage of my life. I believe that an education from Stanford will provide invaluable experiences and skills that will allow me to become a successful and innovative business leader in the new millennium.Example18I know how difficult and also how rewarding research can be because both of my parents are researchers， and I have done research projects for my science courses. The most important thing， of course， is that humanity may benefit. Such a pursuit of knowledge would be incredibly satisfying because of its potential to help so many. To me the call to a lifetime of this work is irresistible.Example19：As I continue to write and edit， I rediscover my love for language. To entertain to explain， to be able to say what I mean, and help others say what they mean. Language is the highest rung of expression， and I mean to climb it.Example20:Personally， I know I am educated as long as I remain tenaciously determined to understand the world and maintain an open mind. Of course， this goal of remaining educated will lead me to Harvard next year and to a doctorate in physics at another university. However， these are just signs of an educated person. To be truly educated， I must be committed to learning my entire life and to making new discoveries in science, whether or not they contradict the accepted theory. Education can not be measured by the number of degrees a person has earned. instead， education is a mindset that must last one’s entire life. If, at the moment of my death, I am still dedicated to grasping misunderstood concepts， I can say that I am truly educated， as Einstein, Rutherford， and Galileo were before me.从以上这些结尾可以看出，PS的结尾应该呼应全文主题，起到总结陈词的作用。至于创意，它不需要像PS开头那样去追求标新立异，朴实感人有说服力即可力画龙点睛，点到为止，不要过分罗嗦。结尾部分是你用以说服读者或让他们记住你的资质的最后一次机会力应当避免在结尾部分作总结，因为首先来讲短文本身就很短，读者不需要你提醒他们在此之前你都写了些什么。也不要使用那些惯常使用的短语如“in cmlclusion、in summary、to conclude”等。请考虑采用下面的方式结尾：1.阐发你的论述中更为宽泛的隐含意义。2．考虑通过重复开头的短语的方式将结尾部分与开头部分联系起来，以建立起一种平衡感力重新定义某个先前在主体部分的段落里使用过的名调。3．以与你的论点相关的著名引语作结，但不要刻意这样去做，因为这种手法已经用得很多了。运用这种手法应当自然而得体。4．在一个更大的背景内表述你的论点，或者向读者展示你的话題具有广泛的吸引力。补充一点，在PS的大的结尾部分，也就是最后两段的样子，你一定要提到对方学校的名字，指出你为什么要申请这所学校的理由，谈谈你对这所学校的认识等等。这个时候你可以上网去寻找这所学校的相关信息。一般来说，在你要申请的系主页或者研究生院主页上，都有该系或者院的介绍，你自己读一读，然后根据自己的感受来写一点认识。这一部分一定要各个学校不同的，在给不同学校的PS中仅仅做校名的替换是不负责任的表现，也不是一篇好的p如果你实在是没空了，那就从它的网页上copy一点介绍性文字下来贴到自己的PS里，当然这只是下策。

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